| the sunsets, oh the sunsets |
[22 Jul 2009|01:32am] |
the first day...
move as fast as you can. couch. green arm chair. black wicker dome chair. futon. two boats. three lamps. clothes. their clothes. their clothes. their clothes. one box of mine. computer. bed-side table. chaise lounge. trampoline. box-o-theatre. mushroom ottoman/chair. box-o-costumes. lights. STUFF. Immediate abandonment with a stranger and his daughter. cleaning. preparation. writing. fire. lonely endeavors complete with astonishment of seclusion. woods and woods and marsh and beach. desperation. imprisonment. st.patricks day. 8 mile bike ride to drink at the bar who's only connection you know is a loose one at that. the pixies. suspenders. jameson. corned beef and cabbage. beer. pool. george. beer. blackout. ditch. stolen bike. 8 mile walk back to "home". criticism. doubt. return. guest. upside down blind dates. boring boring blind dates. so many. all for the green. frigid winter chills and loss of hope for anything to dethaw. This IS it. Skythia. Waist land. No man sets foot here. the foreboding voice of foe. Rush and his quips from the barn. Mrs. Kitty in all her splendor. 8 am dance class. employment. 5am employment. baking bagels employment. howard stern, npr, flour everywhere. loose authority employment.abandonment. Andrew. solace. camaraderie. magick. freedom. fire pit. mutual hatered of the cold. mutual hatred of the liar the deceiver, the post-war republican, the broken divorce'. abandonment. bottles and bottles. boring blind dates. Castlevania. Work. work. work. work. work. cooking. creative cooking. poor cooking. broke cooking. bullshit.
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| Stale crackers |
[20 Jul 2009|11:34pm] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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So the dream lives in me. Expecting a collective to achieve my own goals is foolhardy.
There's a storm a brewin down the east coast and back in to the phoenix of the dirty dirty.
Coming home
blowing open the door
with a swift kick, and a tickle, tickle, slap!
Time to get fo'real and take care of being happy and home.
Knuckles white, legs tucked, breath stolen, today I flew. Over 30 feet propelled by inertia over the crystal waters of Baker's pond in Orleans, Cape Cod, Ma. Swifter than a 5 min late bike ride to work. Flips and flip flips then a platform built in front of me just begging to defy injury for those few seconds of flight. Busted back, but only after brilliant beacons beckoning me back to the one and only A.
I've got many many plans for F&B inspired guerrilla debacles in the city and I'm sure there are robots involved.
The wind of travel will never cease to catch my sails. I've got time while at home to prepare for over 5,000 miles of this country on two wheels, powered by my endurance and fueled by curiosity. I need a camera. And a partner.
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| Writing |
[24 Feb 2009|05:10pm] |
It's funny, looking back on the words I wrote.
Funnier to see me now, doing the impossible. Or so it seemed so long ago.
Lived in the city only long enough to soak up the inspiration to move toward my dreams.
Fish&Bicycle Theatre Company Presents:
Prometheus! An Oxidized Tale of Creation
Called into creation by ME
July 1st - August 09 Provincetown, Mass
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| keeping track |
[18 Sep 2007|02:57am] |
| [ |
music |
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none, for some dumb reason |
] |
School/moving is right around the corner and I can't wait for either to get here. I've been reading and writing so much on my sabbaticle that it seems foolish not to get a degree. I've been writing live music/venue reviews for www.gophertunes.com and it's hard to find a shows that I really want to go to. Local bands really aren't doin much for me right now. I can't wait for Painted. I've been working on this play really hard and it feels so good. I still can't believe that I built a freaking bar and a free-standing door for the set. Relationship karma is biting me in the ass and it couldn't come at a worse time. I live far from most everybody and keep meeting girls that are more interested in someone else. I had it coming to me though... It's a terrible burden to think about some things that I've done in the past because there are some that I didn't even think about when they were happening, but in retrospect they were horrible. It's a great thing to learn though. To come to terms with creating a lifestyle.
There is so much to learn.
James, John, and I are going to start Stranger Films. I can't fucking wait!
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| bitches leave |
[08 Jul 2007|10:32am] |
I don't have a phone. It's really strange now, but 10 years ago it was almost unheard of to have a cell phone. It sucks how damned dependent I've become on it. Everything will be squared away within two weeks. I love my new job at the cafe. Chill as hell. I can't wait untill Fish and Bicycle has a space and we can have a little cafe in it. I spend a lot of time by myself in the loft now. To use the internet, I have to walk around the hallway untill I get a signal.
why is it that people expect me to come see them and then won't drive up to Canton to hang out with me? LAME
i'm so damned bored. At least I'm writing a play. I think that is actually just going to make me crazy.
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| the bottom of everything |
[18 Jun 2007|12:36am] |
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I'm unemployed but i'm involved in the most important thing ever to happen to me right now. Fish and Bicycle is forming and The Death and Life of Pan is a brilliant collaboration of excellence. I just need to find a job. My living situation and my family situation are the only things bothering me. I just feel as if I've wronged so many people in the past that I deserve being lonely and boring. at least i'm creating theatre.
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| get it |
[19 Mar 2007|03:25am] |
best weekend in forever.
Friday night... chillin, smokin, matt's birthday party, decatur social club
Sat. picnic, smokin, drinkin, the local, mjq, drunkenly scaled three stories to get into andrew mcgill's apartment... fuck yes st. patrick's day!
sun. movie day with my mom and sister then me and mcdougald watched some prisoner.
i'll be at work in about 12 hours
for the first time in 3 days
preparation is in effect for peter pan
listen to the images read the noise feel the smell inhale the touch
taste the change
i dance through the cosmos in my dreams and it is beyond breathtaking
create your own reality, this one is just a playground
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[15 Feb 2007|02:19am] |
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i'm on the edge of a mountain and the view is fantastic
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| money |
[05 Feb 2007|03:58pm] |
money doesn't exist. does pres. bush use money, fuck no!
do the extreme impoverished use money, no.
it is exclusively for the middle-class to consume.
i need a plan of action.
i need somebody who wants to excercise their right to petition and protest with me.
let's destroy this fascist bullshit.
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| barbelith |
[30 Jan 2007|10:52pm] |
I sit in a red recliner and I change my reality
I is the wrong word. I am no longer there.
everything is in front of me.
I see it all.
both good and evil are the same
everything that happens is the manafistation of their own reality
living in the bat cave of a prison cell
but it's not intimidating, it's beautiful
all is beautiful
the path behind is glorious and tattered, but it is an important aspect of the populous subconscience
the future is now and the future was then
I treat everyone individually and pay no attention to stereotypes
challenge those around you because then they may come out of their mediocrity and see beyond the reality being fed to them
capitalism is a sick religioun in which the participants are obsessed with destruction and decline.
Being high, drunk, an extreme dream state.. it's all allowing me to see the world in the way that I want to view it.
there is no stopping me
i do magic every day
WE ARE THE INVISIBLES
learn to become invisible in order to disrupt reality and trascend stereotypes and elitism
everyone can do magic and should
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[16 Dec 2006|07:06am] |
i'm up again at 6 am and this time it's not to go to work
F F D B I'm gonna be out on my ass which is probably a step up
i smoked for twelve hours straight on thursday
i drink and drink but never get drunk
i write and write, but nothing shows up
don't be surprised if i turn up missing
it's not like many people would notice anyway
where is my revolution? where is my great work of art? where is my band? where is my love?
oh, yeah... i set them on fire and pissed on the ashes...
too afraid to be myself, i cut my hair off
i flawlessly flow from one group to the next
hoping they don't know it's me
Today I watched the boats Moving through the harbor Walking on water In your arms I'd stay Forever if I could Forever if I may Keeps me in your thoughts, don't disappear I am on your side And so alive So alive it isn't real If this is how I feel Then nothing now is true And nothing now can ever be taken away from you Sinking in the past The things that shouldn't last Just put to bed and stand beside me Stand beside me Always on your side I'm on your side And so alive it isn't real I am on your side And so alive And so alive And so alive I am on your side I am on your side I am on your side And so alive So alive
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[04 Nov 2006|02:39am] |
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my science professor told me that many caucasian males of european descent are somewhat immune to the aids virus because of the bubonic plague, the HIV doesn't ever turn into full blown aids in them. Maybe someday they can figure out what is different and use that to aid the epidemic in Africa. I am going to the voting polls on tuesday, but I'm not sure if i'm going to vote. I've been working on a performance piece to perform... I'm doing really well in school. I've repaired the bridge between me and my family, I have an opportunity at the door. I'm extremely in love with my lady. Things are looking up.
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[24 Sep 2006|01:33am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 annoyed |
] |
sip sip sip, i wish you wouldn't cry
drip drip drip, the bottle's gone dry
beep beep beep, I love you why
weep weep weep, my daddy's gonna die
sip sip sip, another hard drink
tip tip tip, so drunk i can't think
my father is not my hero; in fact, he is what i want to be the least.
i will either follow his lead or tell him how i feel.
but how do you have a serious conversation with someone about their bad habits in the midst of them doing them.
i thought he was supposed to be my hero.
i think i lost my job
i think i've lost my mind
i think i've lost my dad
at least i have love
I love every single one of my friends/aquaintences. I owe many of you appologies, but I thank you for putting up with me.
I love my girlfriend and at least the future looks brighter than the present.
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[15 Sep 2006|06:15pm] |
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There is no more time for sleep.
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[08 Aug 2006|02:22am] |
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I'm in love with Carrie Dagenhard. For real. This is what I've been waiting for. This is what all of those songs/movies/plays/poems are talking about. This is it. This is real. I would do anything for this girl and I know she'd do anything for me. There are no flaws, no dissagreements. just LOVE. I know it's ridiculous to say this after knowing her for less than two months, but It feels as if I've always loved her; I just hadn't met her yet. I don't have to look anymore. I have everything I've ever wanted. I just need to get ready to get back into school... I've got to take it seriously this time. I need to learn how to tell people "no I can't hang out, I've got work to do." I have a big problem with that. I spent some time with my step brother last night and it was awesome. I really need to do that more often. Next Sunday/Monday is going to be unbelievable, as if every day isn't already. I'm truely happy.
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[26 Jul 2006|02:49am] |
my life is going in a great direction. I'm only weary about one thing
if i join fight paris and not go to school, will my dad still respect me?
I think he will, I mean as long as I'm successfull.
I recorded with the boys tonight and it went well. I'm slowly fiding my voice in the band.
They haven't officially asked me to join, but things look good.
I saw my mom today and right when I walked in the door , she told me that I looked happier than
I ever have.
I think that is all because of Carrie.
She is the one thing that makes every day better. I'm so glad I've found someone that I can be
REAL/ with.
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| kickin ass |
[18 Jul 2006|05:47pm] |
so "It's all happening." I've been jamming with Fight Paris and I'm going on Thursday to record at their practice space. I think I'm going to party with them on Saturday. I just know it's gonna happen. The stuff they are writing is right up my alley.
In other news I have found the girl that I've been talking about for years. I really get her and she really gets me. We can talk for hours and it isn't dumb. We're honest and open with eachother. OH YEAH and she's GORGEOUS! I haven't ever had this kind of connection with anyone.
FUCK ALL THE BULLSHIT that comes with dumb relationships, this is AWESOME! Carrie is really good for me right now and I'm glad that it's all happening.
oh i started skating again. it kicks my ass, but it's really fun. Bullet and I are getting better.
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[07 Jul 2006|01:51am] |
i like a girl
she's good for me
a good girl
life is kicking ass
i'm trying out for fight paris on sunday
PIRATE NIGHT TOMORROW!!!!!
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[24 Jun 2006|11:03pm] |
everybody's working for the weekend.
it feels good to have at least some money in my pocket even though it has to go straight to my car.
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